Saturday, November 18, 2006

In Memoriam, "Cool" Martin J. Gehrke, 1983-2006

BREAKING NEWS:

New York- November 18, 2006, a day that shall live in infamy. The once unflappable Martin Gehrke, punisher of sophomores, breaker of skulls, has left us for greener pastures. Though he valiantly struggled to the end, he was overcome by "emotions" and felled by his adversary. Martin truly lived each day as a street fight, and never has the heavyweight handbook better fit an athlete, or a man. Unforunately for his now ex-teammates, he apparently also chooses to love with wild abandon.

In remembering this once great man, we cannot help but look to the past for forewarnings of his untimely passing. One has to look to further than his Gehrke Creek Post, The Book of Marty: The Life and Times of the Most Interesting Person Ever. As you can see, much is predictable. Foreward by Papa Bear Zimmer, Gehrke's undeniable genius with his autobiographical "All My Ex-Girlfreinds and Why I Still Hate Every Single One with a Burning Passion," but look closer. Past "Why I Want to Be Marty"... AFTERWORD BY CARYN WATERSON. So true, so young, so innocent, so beautiful.

So it is with a heavy heart that we bid one last goodbye to "Cool" Martin Gehrke, the inspiration behind this forum, and all of our former sophomore lives. The fire may be gone, the prowess forever hindered, but the memories remain. A future of diapers, mini-vans, and suburbia may await this once proud warrior, yet we cannot help but echo his mantra throughout the land: "Think for yourself. Question authority."

Good night, sweet prince.

Monday, June 12, 2006

The End(?)

Here lies the Sophomore Rivulet, the once powerful voice of reason that brought fashion tips and leadership advice to the masses. It died in the accident(s) incurred by the Columbia 4- at the IRA Regatta. It is survived by its older, hairier brother, Gehrke Creek, and its younger beacon of hope for the future, michaelcharley.com.

Yet with the chosen one climbing the ranks, is it the end? Is this foretelling future sequels Sophomore Rivulet Reloaded and Sophomore Rivulet Revolutions? Only time will tell.

Sophomore Rivulet
11/13/05-6/12/06

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Etiquitte Tip

When wearing a navy blue suit, wear black shoes.

Well wishes, The Sophomore Rivulet

Thursday, April 13, 2006

BIG BURLY BEARS!

Bears are dangerous animals. Bears eat up to 24 pounds of meat a day. Bears like to hunt cute animal babies in the spring. Bears kill the babies' parents first. Bears smell bad. Bears forage for nuts and berries for an afternoon snack. Bears like humans.

Grizzly Bears rarely attack humans. But according to Wikipedia, there are a few occasions when bears will savagely maim a sophomore:

1. If humans suddenly appear between a bear and his cub.

2. Meeting a bear alone in its den.

3. Encountering a bear that has been provoked or inflamed.

And most dangerous of all, 4. Greeting an injured bear.

If you avoid these four things, and give a big burly bear an occasional breakfast sandwich, he will be your friend and share beard grooming tips with you.

If you don't, he will BREAK YOUR ASS! (video)

Thursday, April 06, 2006

The April 6 USA TODAY/Rivulet Cool Bracket

The Gehrke Creek Cool Bracket was a valiant first effort to see which self absorbed rower would reign supreme in a battle of supremacy. We at the Rivulet respect and worship Marty "Big Burly Bear" Gehrke in his bracket and applaud his return to the blog pantheon.

However, The Creek did make some mistakes, and it is up to us to fix it.

First, the Rivulet Cool Bracket is seeded by deserving instances of self-importance. Second, the Rivulet notices that due to the "top heavy" nature of the best prima-donnas on the team, a single elimination tournament would not due justice to the little guys, and so our Bracket is a double elimnation tournament, much like the College World Series.

So, without further ado, here are the seedings and first round matchups:

In the undercard match, Michael Zimmer def. a tag team of Rory Staub and Allison Fortune. Verdict: Easily.

FIRST ROUND:

1. Pryde, Zachary vs. 16. F (Pronounced "phf"), Robert
2. Thomson, Robert vs. 15. Deaner, The
3. Caracausa, Bradley vs. 14. Rob, Michael
4. Gehrke, Marty "BBB" vs. 13. Boomer, Paul in the Captain's SHOWDOWN!!!!
5. Kirts, Col Col vs. 12. Franchise, The
6. House, White vs. 11. Mulcahy, Fucking
7. de Forzado, El Soldado vs. 10. Deiches, Obnoxious
and 8. Show, Big vs. 9. Nessy in a bout sponsored by Krispy Kreme

And so, ladies and gentlemen, let the games begin. In the interest of dramatic intensity, the results of the USA TODAY/Rivulet Cool Bracket will not be revealed in this forum. However, the results are available as a RTF document here or a Microsoft Word document here.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Florida 2: The Never Ending Online Street Fight

"Whenever we race, it's a war, whenever we practice, it's a street fight"- Coach Michael C. Zimmer, Esq.

In this, the most important week of our young lives, words of wisdom from the greatest coach ever ring true like sweet tones of liberty across the barren land of savages that is New Haven, Connecticut. Indeed, the thoroughbred assassins of F.I.T. will not take any prisoners or have any mercy on our souls, and we must be ready to meet their challenge with wild aggression and reckless abandon.

Yet, what I did not realize after hearing this gold nugget of inspiration was its implication outside of practice and competition. It seems to this impressionable sophomore that the most important part of crew is not rowing, meeting your competition head-on, killing, fighting, or anything cool. The important thing is ducking confrontation and taking the "street fight" to the information superhighway.

Call me crazy, but I do not think that talking shit in a public diary when you are trying to lead a team or garner respect for your position is an effective means by which to achieve either of those goals. In fact, I think most would agree with me. Here is the insight of one well-respected leader, and former president of beloved Alma Mater (so you KNOW he's not a commie homo ass-pounding sophomore):

"You do not lead by hitting people over the head- that's assault, not leadership."- President Dwight D. Eisenhower

I know, I know, Ike might be less of an authority on this topic than the leaders of the Columbia Crew team, despite being one of the most well-respected Presidents in the nation's history. Indeed, The Sophomore Rivulet is another little-girl-online-diary. Yet when entering a street fight, I would expect the wise and mighty Coach Zimmer to agree that the most honorable way to fight is with the same tools as the aggressor, and by meeting the challenge head-on. In other words, paraphrasing the greatest movie in cinematic history, if you have beef, come out to plaaaa-eee-aayy.

I fully expect the response to this to be similar to the instigating post that led to these observations. What is unfortunate is that in this period of time, when intensity and boatings enter the equation, actions are being made to make people take sides, not focus on the task at hand: Winning shirts. One man cannot move a boat by himself. If the best way to deal with problems is to vent on an internet soap-box with incorrect grammar, then so be it, and expect a rebuttal. It is not a way to make friends or a team. Perhaps the best way to deal with in house problems is the way it's done in every mature situation: keeping them in house. Just a thought.

Sunday, March 12, 2006

Early Vegas Odds for Florida 2

Seeing as we are not allowed to bet on the March Madness tournament (wink, wink), the sophomores have created some new propositions to tide us over:

Over/Under on number of gallons of ice cream consumed by the Women's Novice Team at the F.I.T. Dining Hall: 40

Over/Under on lengths Will Edmondson beats Martin Gehrke by in a seat race: 4

Over/Under on lengths Mike Zimmer beats Hank Osborn by in a seat race: 9

Over/Under on lengths Mike Zimmer beats Martin Gehrke by in a seat race: 5

Over/Under on number of Canadian varsity heavyweights who will not break 7 on a 2k: 1

Over/Under on times Nessy and Deiches will lock themselves in the bathroom (which has ALREADY happened twice): 8

Over/Under on length of Colin Kirts' longest anti-world rant: 20 minutes

Over/Under on number of questions asked by Zach Pryde in the boat: 75

Over/Under on number of teammates Mike Rob secretly wants to kill: 10

Florida 2, Day 1: Hypothetical Questions, No Answers

Good evening from sunny Palm Bay, Florida, and luxurious Safar Inn. This Florida Training Trip has left me with some burning questions that I would like to have answered by the end of the trip. To help me on this quest, I have enlisted the expertise of the Franchise, Stephen Joseph LaPerla.

1. Say you were elected to a position of leadership on a Varsity team, and were taking a long bus ride with said team. Would it be appropriate to stick your clenched fist and entire forearm in the special orifice of your girlfriend?

2. Say you were an older member of the team elected to a similar leadership position. Would calling out your teammates lead to fisticuffs? Or would you keep it together long enough to apologize?

3. Sophomores in love? Budding Brokeback relationships between members of the team, some hairy and some midget, have us asking which will come to fruition first?